You're so nebulous sometimes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
