tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
