This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
