You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
