How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i dont even know how to be here
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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