There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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