im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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