he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize