My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
