I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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