Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I will be naked everywhere
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
