last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I love you.
Bad choice
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize