Sponge bath it is.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
She said her name was "party"
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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