How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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