if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
