There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
