.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
