I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
