I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How naked do you want me to be?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
