id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
