What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
