Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
