you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Fuck appropriateness.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
