Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
