i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
