Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
