I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
