Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
