i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize