forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
