I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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