I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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