First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
