so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize