I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
