The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
