What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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