WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
