Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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