Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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