That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
