Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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