I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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