He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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