i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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