So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
