im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
