I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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