Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
