I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
