'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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