this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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