It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
where am i from again
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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