I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
