I faked an abortion last night.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
