38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
