so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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