Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
