well you can't waste a boner
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
