You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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