I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
