I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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