even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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