So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so explain again why im purple
no
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
