I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
