yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
