I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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