My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
