my mouth tastes like poor choices
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
