My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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