Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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