if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
