your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
