I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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