Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
