Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
