just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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