The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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