I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
