Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
