am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
