Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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