Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
worst night to have a conscience
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
