I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
