You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
