Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
