so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
