imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
