I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
