oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
