would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
