I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
