you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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