Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
