My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
